so lately with everything that has been going on i have come to the point that i feel comletely alone in this world. i feel like no one is meant to love me anymore, other than my family, children and my close friends. this has left me very emotional. i really hate it when i feel like this. i pray and pray i can be a wife again, but no one wants to be my husband. i really am ok to be alone, but i want to have someone to come home to that will take me into their arms to welcome me there, tell me all their secrets, love me for me and most of all just be there when i need a hug and support me when life takes a turn. i am utterly disappointed in my life this past week. it was not supposed to be like this, or was it? at my age i should be happily married and awaiting the day i will be an empty Nester with grandchildren right? well, thats not what has happened. instead i am completely alone with three teenagers who really dont need me anymore. i work till i cant work anymore, i clean when i feel like it, i have a crappy wardrobe, i have no one to talk to about my innermost thoughts and desires. this is not what i dreamed of. this is what i dreamed of. i wanted to get married in the temple at 21 years old. i wanted to never have to work a day after i started to have children. i wanted to be utterly and completely love by a faithful man who would never wander away and into another womans world. this life i am living is only partially what i dreamed. the only part that is actually something that happened from that dream is the children, not as many as i wanted unfortunately, but they are mine.
so where did my knight in shinning armor go? is there one out there for me? time will tell.