Christmas one

With Love Chartreuse Christmas Card

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This is the postcard I designed at shutterfly.com for Christmas this year.  They are on the way, hope they are here in time for me to mail them out! 

Memories are all around us

Family fun at a cemetery?  This was at the cemetery where we assisted my nephew Jarom with his Eagle Project.



Zoo Days



Time Out for Women Las Vegas

Homecoming for McQuelle and Timmy

Kaitlyn and McQuelle ~ Besties

Vince, Kaitlyn, McQuelle & Timmy all decked out for Homecoming

Concerts and GREAT FRIENDS!  Me & Lesia



Halloween Store ~ Goofing off ~ Courtny & I




First Dates & Makeovers



Boating on July 24th

Painful Good Byes~ Miss you Cyndi!  Love you so very much.

Whether we were going out with friends or hanging with family we still had a pretty good year in 2010.  Why take an actual vacation when you can be with those you love and have fun spending time together?  I think not taking an actual vacation was worth it this year. 

We have been to the zoo, gone boating, first dates, Homecoming, Eagle Projects, concerts and even weekend doing things for others who are less fortunate.  What year!

There have been so many great ups this year that it wont matter we didn't spend a fortune going anywhere.  I remember my kids saying they had fun doing one thing or another.  One even said this is great we should do it more often.

When you have the love of a family and great kids life is so worth living.  At least we think so.

The only sad thing that we will remember this year is the passing of our Sister, Friend and the kids Aunt, Cynthia Lynn Kilpatrick Davies.  She led a very difficult life, although she was blessed with amazing nephews and nieces, cousins, siblings and other amazing family and friends she suffered from Spina Bifida and other physical ailments her entire life.  We will bury her in a couple days, but her love, smile and beautiful sparkling eyes will always be with us in our hearts and pictures of our lives with her.  We love and miss you greatly Cyndi.  Run girl, run!  No more braces or crutches or wheelchairs!  You are whole again, do the things you were unable to do on earth and kiss my dad for me!  

In Memory of Cyndi Kilpatrick Davies

Cynthia Lynn Kilpatrick Davies


“Hats off with Love”



Our Beloved Daughter, Sister, Aunt and Dear Friend returned back to our Heavenly Father.

Cyndi was born on December 28, 1971 in San Francisco, California to Andy LeRoy Kilpatrick & Linda (Fewkes) Kilpatrick. She passed away peacefully surrounded by loved ones on December 4, 2010. She was born with Spina Bifida and fought a noble fight. Cyndi was one who loved being with her famil...y and friends. She was a wonderful aunt who loved her nephews and nieces. She enjoyed learning new things and making new friends. She shared her smiles with everyone that came into her life. Cyndi is preceded in death by her Grandma and Grandpa Johnson, Grandpa Fewkes, her Cousin Stephanie Thomas and other loved ones. She is survived by her mother, Linda Kilpatrick; 2 brothers Steven Kilpatrick and Michael (Jessica) Kilpatrick; nephews, Christopher, Riley, Carter and Tyler Kilpatrick; nieces, McQuelle, Courtny and Sharlene Kilpatrick. She is also survived by her father Andy LeRoy Kilpatrick and her grandparents Milton and Arlene Kilpatrick along with other loved ones of the Kilpatrick and Fewkes families. The family wishes to express their sincere gratitude to Sunbrook Hospice staff and Arlington Hills Care Center for their care and compassion during her last days. Gratitude is also expressed to her many friends, co-workers, special needs counselors, ward members and others who willingly and lovingly served her. Funeral services will be held at 11am on Saturday, December 11, 2010 at McDougal Mortuary (4330 South Redwood Road. A gathering will be held from 6pm-8pm on December 10, 2010 at McDougal Mortuary.

The dreaded holidays are among us!

Well, the lobby of my building is decked out for Christmas.  All the stores have had Christmas in them since just before Halloween, yes that is what I said-Halloween.  Temple Square is being prepared for the big lighting after Thanksgiving. All I can think about is being alone, with no boyfriend or husband for the holiday season.  Not my idea of fun!  But what do you do, well you push through that is what you do.  I will miss my children while they are gone.  I will miss my daughter on her 18th birthday.  But, all will be celebrated in January, so oh well.  At least I will get to do something with the kids.  I have friends and family who will be around, that will help a lot!  But, alas, I still dread the rest of the year!  At least I have the kids until Christmas break! 

The List: 7 Ways to Tell if He's Going to Marry You-in 30 Days or Less

I went to a friends wedding last month, danced, made a new friend and caught the bouquet!  Yes, ME, I caught the bouquet.  I have never caught the bouquet before in my life.  I did not even try to catch it, there were plenty of other ladies in front of me, Vanessa just threw it and it landed in my hand.  Coincidence, maybe, I do not know.  Anyway, Vanessa said she needed her bouquet so she had a book for the person who caught the bouquet.  " It's called, The List, and it really works!", she said.  Well about four days later I received the book in the mail.  (Vanessa and Craig live in Arizona) I thought what can it hurt to try it and see.  Well, I finished it on Sunday night.  I have a man or two who want to go out.  Thus, my list items are written down, IN INK, and I am ready and willing to take a chance on love.  This was a very interesting book, and I am willing to give it a try.  I will let you know if it works.  And so the countdown begins.  

Time Out for Women~Las Vegas 2010

I had the opportunity to go to Las Vegas with two of my amazing friends October 22nd.  We went for Time out for Women, sponsored by Dessert Book Company.  It was so amazing, uplifting and FUN!  I was able to get away for three days and have fun while being uplifted spiritually at the same time.

Christie and Alicia were with me the whole time.  We stopped at Cove Fort in Southern Utah on the way.  It was amazing to see a Church historical site on our way.  We were with Christie's Grandma, Mom and some of her Aunts as well.  10 ladies total.  We were inspired by so many wonderful Church Authors and speakers.  We heard form Ardeth Kapp, John Bytheway, Brad Wilcox, Kris Belcher, Linda and Shawni Eyre and heard from John Vail Bayles and Mercy River.  Both musical groups were so wonderful!  I loved their stories as well. 
I learned from these speakers that I don't have it so bad.  Life is great for me and I need to be more grateful and understanding of others.  My testimony of the Lord was strengthened through the speakers. 
On the way home Christie, Alicia and I felt inspired so much by all we heard and participated in that we had a little devotional in the car.  What a great idea to have this program!  I loved it.  Can't wait til next year!

Plantar Faciitis Update

Well, I went to the Podiatrist last Thursday.  They were very impressed with my feet.  Dr. Kotter said I do not need surgery and will just need to be careful.  I do not need to be seen again until January.  YAY ME!  I can wear low heels once in a while, exercise in moderation and even run once in a while!  YAY!  This was exciting news as I have a date on Wednesday with a very tall man and heels are going to be needed.  LOL!  I will probably take them off under the table at the restaurant, yes I know naughty, but way exciting.  I need to be tall you know.

Concert Mania!

On Friday the 24th of September, my wonderful friend Lesia invited me to the Brad Paisley concert at USANA.  I had the time of my life!  Lesia has been my friend for a long time, we lost each other for a while, but as you can see we found each other and can still cause trouble.  We saw two concerts basically.  The first was Josh Thompson, Corbin Eastin and Steel Magnolia.  Thompson had this amazing guitarist who kept winking, smiling and singing to me.  He was so hot!  Eastin was awesome, way hot too.



Then Steel Magnolia.  They are married and so fun to watch.  They are a party themselves.

Then the big event!  Justin Moore, Darius Rucker and BRAD PAISLEY!  We were only able to see part of Moore because the line for food so Lesia could take her meds was outrageous.  But, thats okay, he was awesome!  Rucker, for those who are not sure who he is, was the lead singer for Hootie and the Blowfish.  He has a new start to his career and I think he is awesome.  He was very good at entertaining us, and he moving along just great in the new spotlight he has been given.  Then Brad, he is amazing and deserves Entertainer of the year.  I have never been so enthralled and into a concert like this in my life.  He even came right out in the crowd to a stage right behind us.  He stood right next to us!  I could have grabbed his arm, of course I did not want to die, so I let the thought pass.  He was so amazing.  I had barely a voice the next day, but it was worth it.

The picture where I am elevating Lesia's foot is a true act of love and freindship.  I hope you will be all better soon Lesia!  I love you and am so grateful to you for giving the night to have fun and not think of my family drama, kids or any one else that may have been on my mind.  You are a true friend and a party queen!  I had the best time I have had in years, and would never have expected to have a bruise even today from that concert!  It was crazy awesome!

Who'd a thunk it?

I recently found out my friend was now in an exclusive relationship with someone.  I was surprised by how I reacted.  At first I was happy for him.  Then yesterday while speaking to my ex-husband he asked me a question and all the feelings I didn't know I had came rolling out of me.  Who's a thunk it?  Sometimes we have feelings for people we do not realize are as deep as they are.  I am grateful to be just fine and happy with my life and children.  I wish my friend happiness and hope the best for him.  Thanks Steven for listening, never thought I would discuss this with you, but you were helpful.  Who'd a thunk it?

On the Other Hand~

My oldest child, Christopher, turned 19 this month.  Yes, 19, I am getting older but at least I do not look old enough for a 19 year old.  My youngest, Courtny, turned 15 this past Saturday.  So now I have some changes being made in our life soon.  Christopher is an amazing son and I love him even more now than the day he was born.  Courtny is a very dramatic girl, I love her so much more than the day she was born.  These two have birthdays so close together that when they were little it was hard to plan.  Now they pretty much do all the planning for me. 

For Christopher's birthday we all went to the batting cages.  That was fun to do for all of us.  He helped teach Courtny how to hold the bat, how to stand and how to swing.  He is such a good brother.  After that we watched movies and had cold stone ice cream. 

For Courtny's birthday we had ice cream cake.  I forgot she hated peanut butter, so of course that was a disappointment for her, she tried the cake to be a good sport though.  Silly mom, that is something to remember when getting a cake for your child.  Oh well, it's the thought that counts right?  She had two friends, Kate and BreAnn spend the night.  They watched movies, popped popcorn, ate pizza and went to a regional stake dance where BreAnn told them it was Courtny's birthday.  They stopped the dance to sing happy birthday to her.  That was so fun for her.  She had a great birthday.

In December McQuelle will turn 18.  Yes 18, another big milestone.  I may not have three children at home next summer I hear.  This will be a huge adjustment.  I know I will be ok when they leave, but I wan them to stay home forever!

I have a milestone this year, but its not so bad I guess.  We are all trying to be the best we can and thats all that matters right?

I feel so alone and lost lately..........whats new right?

so lately with everything that has been going on i have come to the point that i feel comletely alone in this world.  i feel like no one is meant to love me anymore, other than my family, children and my close friends.  this has left me very emotional.  i really hate it when i feel like this.  i pray and pray i can be a wife again, but no one wants to be my husband.  i really am ok to be alone, but i want to have someone to come home to that will take me into their arms to welcome me there, tell me all their secrets, love me for me and most of all just be there when i need a hug and support me when life takes a turn.  i am utterly disappointed in my life this past week.  it was not supposed to be like this, or was it?  at my age i should be happily married and awaiting the day i will be an empty Nester with grandchildren right?  well, thats not what has happened.  instead i am completely alone with three teenagers who really dont need me anymore. i work till i cant work anymore, i clean when i feel like it, i have a crappy wardrobe, i have no one to talk to about my innermost thoughts and desires.  this is not what i dreamed of.  this is what i dreamed of.  i wanted to get married in the temple at 21 years old.  i wanted to never have to work a day after i started to have children.  i wanted to be utterly and completely love by a faithful man who would never wander away and into another womans world.  this life i am living is only partially what i dreamed.  the only part that is actually something that happened from that dream is the children, not as many as i wanted unfortunately, but they are mine.

so where did my knight in shinning armor go?  is there one out there for me?  time will tell.

When Parents Age

Do you know what it's like to watch a parent age?  I do, and it is not fun all the time.
Do you know what it's like to see a parent have a stroke, heart attack or any other major illness?  I do, it sucks rocks!
When do parents age?  All the time, right in front of your eyes.  Sometimes you can have a great conversation and a great laugh with them.  Other times you just want to cry because this is not your normal parent.
I am so grateful to still have my mom around everyday.  I cherish the time I spend with her.  My children love being with her, in fact they want her to move in with us.  Yes they want her to move in, as do I. 
In my entire life the only two times my mom has been hospitalized over night was once when my little brother was born in 1974 and second several months ago due to an infectious cellulite in her legs for about three days.  That was the hardest three days this year for me.  I could not imagine losing her ever.  She is all I have left besides my children and siblings etc. 
I am grateful for the time I have with her each week.  I love taking care of her and going on errands for and with her.  We have fun, so do my kids. 
I miss my daddy very much.  I am grateful he was in my life for as long as he was.  He was the best daddy in the whole world!  I love you dad!  Stay close to us!
When a parent ages it is hard, but the time spent with them is priceless.  We need to make the best of it!

~Construction Woes~

Construction is making me into a very ornery person lately!  I hate going anywhere lately.  I am complete surrounded by construction.  I don't think it will ever end.

I couldn't even drive to my daughters school to turn in her registration without getting dirty looks because I was so mad the school was not accessible that I drove through until I was close enough to walk to it. 

It seems the county feels they need to fix every street in West Jordan, Murray and Salt Lake city at the same time.  Don't get me wrong, I am all for change, fixing problems and making things better.  Just don't do it all at the same time.

I am so tired of driving half a mile out of my way at a time just to get from point A to point B.  It is ridiculous.  They even did construction in front of my house this summer.  They even blocked me in my driveway and took their own sweet time moving so I could leave for work.

Frustration must be an understatement.  It baffles me that I have to go so far to go such a normally short distance.  My car is so dirty it looks like its been through a war.

I can't even get away from it while I am at work.  The reason, City Creek, need I say more.

Please Lord, make this end soon.  I don't think I can take it much longer.  Woe is me.

~Just Thoughts~

The commute to work each day brings interesting effects to me. Here are some interesting things I have observed while riding Trax to work each day.

• people do not care what they look like
• they smell of interesting scents
• they are filthy, hence the odors
• it doesn't matter if anyone is there, they will have complete conversations with them
• conversations with you and your acquaintances are interrupted to tell you things you don't need to know, because you don't know them
• I am asked for money
• if they are not handicapped, they feel obligated to use the handicapped ramp because they have a stroller, groceries or any other number of items that makes it reasonable to them to use the seating which is designated for those who are handicapped
• some people think they should have a seat just because, it doesn't matter that the pregnant lady is standing, they were there first
• manners? what's that?
• gentleman? what's that?
• courteous in your language? what's that?

I could go on, however I feel you have the point now. Observing others is a social habit at this point. I have become a "people watcher" is you please. Not necessarily a want, just happened over the years riding this form of public transformation.

You should try it and see what its like. Crazy people, punk kids etc. ride all day every day, its quite an adventure at times.

This was something I wanted to get off my chest, you see I think some of these people are not socially inept like you may think. They were most likely taught better, but they obviously could care less at this point in time. It is sad we have this in our society today.

We need to remember, as we go about our day, to help those in need as we are prompted by the spirit. You should look at helping others as a blessing, as if you are assisting the Savior. This is my prayer this day, for us to be more Christlike in our daily lives.

Fun in the Sun!

For the 24th of July Pioneer Day holiday we went for an all day boating trip with Ray and two of his beautiful daughters. The rest were not able to be there to enjoy the fun in the sun with all of us. (Pioneer day is a state holiday here in Utah for those who are not aware of what it is.)

~Rilee & Sarah doing water Acrobatics at high speed~~This good looking man is my friend Ray~
~Rilee, Sarah and Courtny taking a break from tubing to enjoy a tan and soda~
~Christopher looking good in his shades~
~Rilee, Me and McQuelle chilling out after a swim break~
~Two of the girls flying at high speed~
~McQuelle taking a solo ride~
This was a very long day and we had a great time. Although, I look like a lobster and the kids are so tan, it was a tiring day. We did not get home from down south until 2 a.m. It was worth all the exhaustion and getting fried to have such a great day with a wonderful friend and our kids.

Girl's Camp June 2010

The theme for camp was "Back to the Future". We spent everyday in a different era. Starting with the 1920's and ending in present day. There was so much learned by all of us. We were able to hear stories from each period of time. From when cold cereal came out, when Black's were admitted to public school, hula hooping was the rage, lunch was the heaviest meal of the day for a long time, and how much fun it can be to ride a tandem bike.
Riding the tandem bike was so much fun for all of us. Grant, Cami, Kerstin and Bishop Williams were the best captains on the bike. I tried to be the captain and just couldn't get it down, so I stayed on back (in the stoker position). This was a very fun camp for us all. We learned so much. We made bracelets with beads, earring frames and learned how to start fires. I even got the morning fire going with the help of Bev, for the first time ever.
There was hiking and camp certification along with study time for scriptures and reading. Everyone seemed to have fun. Only a few girls had to go home because they were ill or had other family things going on. They were missed for the rest of the time we spent at camp.
I think I learned a lot about patience too. I was an assistant cook and boy was that easy. The girls helped with everything. It was such a great opportunity to be at camp with all the girls in our ward. I felt privilege to be there for McQuelle's last year at camp as she will not be in Young Women for much longer. It was also great to be there with my younger daughter, Coutny, as well. I am grateful for the chance I was given to be a part of the Young Women for a week. I had fun, this was a great use of one week's vacation.

Book Club

Okay, so I told you all about joining book club in my neighborhood a while ago. I have not been very good at all updating you on the books the past couple months. So here goes.

May was a novel named "Rebecca", which I have not made it halfway through at this point. It is very dull and boring. The grammar is so horrible I can not bear to read it at all. I know that is a poor excuse, but what can I say grammar is very important when reading and writing.

I know I am not perfect, however I try as hard as I can to get it right. So I have stopped reading it and put away for now.

June was "Sarah's Key", by Tatiana De Rosnay. This was a wonderful historical novel, a fictional story based on historical facts. I really learned a lot about the French police and the Vel' d' Hiv' Roundup from 1940 to 1944. An amazing perspective on an event from World War Two which has not been taught in school, neither in Europe, the United States and especially in France.

Tatiana De Rosnay is from Paris France and was surprised to learn of this historical round up of Jews in WWII in her very own land, because it is not taught in school. She came across the information on the Vel' d' Hiv as she was researching for another story to write about events in homes and apartments in the Nelaton area of France. As she learned more about the roundup she knew it was time to write about it in the manner she chose so those who do not know may learn of the horrible things that came about during Germany occupied France in WWII.

Sarah is not mentioned by name until just about half way through the book, she is only referred to as the girl. When her name is finally revealed it is a heart wrenching moment in her story.

On July 16, 1942 a pounding on the apartment door wakes the girls mama. She is terrified to answer the door because of the previous roundup of men that took place. The girl urges her mama to answer the door only to find the French police standing there. They tell her to pack a small bag and gather her children and follow them to the street. The girl goes to get her four year old brother from his room, she gives him some water, a book and his teddy bear and hides him in a secret place in her room. She tucks the key in her pocket thinking she can get her brother out soon and promises him so. She tells her mama she will leave the key for papa. The police start to question her about the whereabouts of papa, he comes out of his hiding place and states he is there as well.

Out in the street they are stared at and laughed at by the Parisian citizens. The girl recognizes her former friends and a man who plays music on the street. The man tries to tell the police they are wrong and they are good people. The police tell him to stay out of it.l They are paraded to the Vel' d' Hiv' stadium and locked up without bathroom facilities, food or water for several days before they are put on cattle cars and sent to a camp not far from O'rleans, which is out in the country.

At the camp they are separated by men, age 12 and up, and women and children under age 12. after over a month in the camp, which is not run by the Germans but by the French police under orders of the Third Reich, they take all the jewelry and money they have. Some were treated very cruelly during this portion of the stay. The girl is afraid they will discover the key in her pocket, but hey are to preoccupied with her mother to check her as they did her. The mothers are taken away at that moment and the children are left alone with no one. all the men and women over age 12 were then take to Auschwitz and executed. The younger children left alone with no food, water or love.

The girl escapes with the help of one of the other children and the French policeman that took them from their home on the fateful day. They get to a farm in O'rleans where a couple, the Dufaure's, take them in. They feed them and clothe them. Then Rachel, the girls friend, get sick with dysentery and the Dufaure's send for a doctor. The doctor they are used to is missing and no one will tell them, a German doctor comes and leaves with a warning.

Later the Germans come and take Rachel, but they do not discover Sarah in the cellar when they search. Sarah makes them take her back to Paris to get her brother. The Tezac's had moved into her home and could not help her.

Sarah runs in and opens the door and they find the boy dead. Sarah never gets over her brothers death. After being adopted by the Dufaure's she grows up sad and lonely because of the events in the war. At 18 she leaves for the U.S. to be a nanny.

Julia Jarmond is a journalist investigating the roundup for a 60 year commemoration happening across France. She is an American who has lived in Paris for 25 years and has a daughter of her own, Zoe, who she adores and a husband who is less than he should be.

They are remodeling the apartment on the Rue de Santonge, where Sarah's family lived. She finds out the story about Sarah and makes it her goal to let Sarah's son know about the round up and that the Tezac's cared for her financially as long as they could, and made the arrangements to bury her brother at the time he was found in the cupboard.

This was a disturbing historical event, the Jews were not and are not bad people. They did not deserve to be discriminated against them or now. I am saddened by a historical event which was kept hidden for so long. This is part of a terrible war that we should be aware of. I cried through out this book often as I read the events. They remind me of what happened across Europe during WWII. I am so grateful to not have lived during that time. This is a book I recommend to all.

Updates Comming

I have been crazy busy latley! I am writing some updates. They will be posted soon! Sorry!

The Bronze Bow

This month's book was The Bronze Bow, By Elizabeth George Speare. A journey through historical fiction at the time of Jesus in Galilee.

I had a difficult time getting into the book at first. It took one week to get to chapter seven, then somewhere in the middle of the chapter I was taken in and it became increasingly more interesting.

Daniel is the main character and he is seething with vengeance and anger towards the Romans. His father was brutally crucified by the Romans. As he was witness to this cruel form of unjust punishment, Daniel turned away from all he knew to avenge the deaths of his mother and father. (His mother died two weeks after his father due to illness from seeing the death herself in the rain.) His sister Leah became emotionally trapped for the rest of her life in a different way.

Daniel escapes the servitude of Amalek and becomes part of the band of thieves led by Rosh. Rosh believes they must overthrow the Romans by stealing from them as well as anyone else they come across. He sends Daniel to live in the city of Galilee to be the eyes he needs there.

Simon is a Zealot and owns a blacksmith shop. Daniel and Simon go to see a minister speak on the Sabbath. Simon has heard him before and wanted to learn more of him, he is intrigued by the witness he feels when the minister names Jesus speaks. He is determined to find out what he is about and if he is truly the Savior. Daniel needs a place to work so he can take care of his ill sister after his Grandmother dies so Simon tells him to open the smith shop and live in his home so he can take care of his sister. Simon moves to Capernum and lives there in a small home where Jesus stays with him. Daniel moves his sister to the shop and starts the blacksmithing again. However, Simon knows Daniel's heart and warns him to take care of his manners while in town, he tells him to take care of the Romans as he would anyone else so they do not destroy the town at his discourtesies towards the Romans.

Daniel's has two friends named Joel and Thacia, they are twins from Capernum. They visit Daniel often. Thacia finds a way to bring Leah out of herself a little each time she visits. After these visits Leah is a different person and talks to Daniel more.

Daniel, Joel and Thacia make a vow to stop the Romans together. The Bronze Bow found in Psalms in the sign they use as their mascot so to speak. It is how they know Daniel is in Capernum each time he visits.

In the end Daniels hatred of the Romans fades as Thacia brings Jesus to heal his sister. At that moment Daniel finds love in his heart and sees who Jesus is and finds peace at the death of his sister.

I enjoyed this book, in fact I wanted it to continue on after Leah dies and see Daniel and Thacia continue a knew life. I would recommend this book to those who want to know the history of that time frame. The history in the book is very accurate to the time Christ was in Galilee.

Next month: Rebecca by Daphne Du Maurier

The struggles of a Child

This is a difficult post to compose this week, however I felt compelled to disclose this struggle with those I know love my child as much as I do.

My wonderful child is going through a stage of life in which I would like to avoid, this is not something I want to witness. This Child is wonderful in so many ways, some only a mother would notice. Rebellion, frustration and anger seem to be enthralling this Child at this time.

I had an "interview" session with each of my Children last week. I learned so much as I questioned them about their current and future goals. The testimonies I heard were so wonderful and gracious. The one I wish I heard is not there. One Child stated they do not believe in God, nor do they wish to be a member of a church of any kind at this time.

I held my composure as my child stated these feelings to me. I listened, learned and had pain in my heart and soul as this was revealed to me. A hug and an I love you was given this Child. Then I proceeded to explain why I know their is a God and my testimony of how I know this is true was then given to this Child.

The child was understanding of my testimony to them, however they dismissed me at that point. I was told that's great you have something to believe, but I just cant believe it. There is nothing out there beyond us and that's what I feel.

I stated after this revelation, which I had already suspected, the rules in this house are we go to church and all our meetings. This is the way it is and you will have to attend while you live in this house. The Child said that they would have to since they live here, but when they move out they will make the choice on their own. I then stated that would be fine, but the rules of this house will always be the same.

I love this Child, as well as their siblings, so very much. The best of intentions are all that I have for them at any given time. I hope and pray all the best for these beautiful angels I have been blessed with. And as Elder Russell M. Nelson (I believe it was he) stated, "you cannot fail as a parent as long as you have continually tried."

I know I am doing the best I possibly can, I will not give up on this Child. They will come around it will just take time.

I finally joined a book club!

After about 15 years of debating and looking into it, I joined the book club in my ward last month. I was able to go to a planning meeting and hear about all the books that were read last year and what was possible for this year. I had a nice time being with others who have been able to give me a different light on some of the books I wanted to read or have already read.

So, I was able to be the host for March. When you host it is at your house on the fourth Wednesday of the month in which you are hosting. You provide the book title and refreshments. At the meeting you lead the discussion, easy task for me since I am a talker anyway. You also introduce the author and give a brief history of him and some of the books they have written.

This month's book was The Shack, by William P. young. He is originally from Canada, however he now live in Oregon with his wife and six children. This book, as I believe, was a heeling for him as it is about healing through a tragic loss. Mr. Young was raised for six years in an aboriginal tribe in the former Papua New Guinea, they were considered to be stone-aged. He was abused sexually as a child, then chipped back to Canada to boarding school where it happened again for several years. The book gives a perspective of the Godhead that will shock some and impress others.

Here are my thoughts on the book:
I liked it. It was very interesting to see the pain that Mack went through from childhood through adulthood. He never really let go of the abuse he and his family suffered at the hands of his alcoholic father. No forgiveness was in his heart for his father, even after his father had died.
He married a very sweet lady and had six children. His youngest daughter, Missy, was kidnapped on a camping trip and murdered. Only her blood and red sundress were found in the shack that day.
The entire family was devastated. Mack blamed himself and was not able to see that his daughter blamed herself and stopped talking because of it.
Nan, his wife, called God "Papa", which Mack though was very sweet that she felt that close to him.
Four years after Missy is believed to be murdered Mack receives a note from "Papa" asking him to come to the shack to talk about forgiveness. he is very upset about this, but decides to go anyway.
That afternoon at the shack he walks back into the darkest moments of his life. He meets God, Jesus and the Creator (Holy Ghost). God is a Black Aunt Jamima looking woman who sings and walks around barefoot and loves to cook. Jesus is a carpenter and looks like an Asian/Indian with chiseled facial trademarks of leather, but talks to Mack as if he were his friend. Jesus is tender and soft spoken. The Creator (Holy Ghost) is a short robust woman who walks around creating all the beauty of the earth, including the thorns and thistles. She giggles a lot and talks a lot about the beauty of the world.
Mack is lead through a journey of healing and forgiveness as he sees Missy is okay and is able to feel her wrap her arms around him through a think veil.

This was a very different way of healing through writing. I saw a lot of similarities to some religions as i read this portrayal of the Godhead. I also noted the similarities of the abuse Mr. Young went through as he portrayed the kidnapper and the Godhead.

I recommend this book to others so they may be able to see how forgiveness and healing can only come through the healing of our God and faith in Jesus Christ.

Next month's book: The Bronze Bow by Elizabeth Speare

It's all going to be fine, right?

Okay, so I have been officially single for almost three years now. It's all going to be fine, right?

I started dating again within a few months of the official divorce. Things were difficult and I hated the men I was meeting. So, I gave up for about six months, that was just what was needed.

Then a wonderful man called me. We talked for and hour the first time on the phone. We both felt it was as if we had known each other for a long time. We went out every weekend, since he lives so far away. We would trade off on travel to make it fair and more exciting for all of us. The kids love his and vice versa. He has amazing kids, and I do as well, but we already know that. Anyway, we became very close and talked everyday. Sometimes we wouldn't see each other for a couple weeks, but we talked on the phone. Then last July we decided to spend less time together. Than we drifted further apart. We love each other, yes we have told each other this, but he is nervous and afraid of commitment. I tried to be understanding at first. Then I just stopped calling him. I still wrote him up to February. We haven't spoken in two weeks. We decided at Thanksgiving to stay friends. Doesn't seem to be.

I am pretty happy where I am right now. All seems to be okay. I have my ups and downs, who doesn't? Anyway, I feel like my kids are the most important priority right now and that will be the way it is for a long time to come.

I have recently been set up by a friend. I think this man is very nice. I am just not sure anything will happen, but I am willing to give it a chance because it would be unfair not to. Not only that, but I would be a hypocrite if I didn't give him a chance. That's a story for another time.

I am so frustrated about dating in general, so all the time I am spending with the kids or even alone doing my own thing is a nice change. I think dating is boring. I got married to my ex in high school, that was the day when dating was not only casual but fun. now you are just older and less exciting. The single men out there are very interesting to say the least. So I will just let everything come to me for now, it is so much easier to let it fall in your lap so to speak. Theres no pressure when you sit at home and play games or read a great book.

So, it's all going to be fine, right?

Diet update :(

Well, needless to say I have been working out and eating well and gained five pounds back. I do have muscle gain, however not five pounds worth.

This is frustrating due to the fact I have tried really hard to change my habits, and stuck to it. As well as working out three nights a week and at least once on the weekend, which makes four most weeks. So gainung back weight has not been nice.

Each Friday we weigh in and I have been the same weight, give or take 1/2 a pound or a couple ounces, for the past three weeks now. I am not impressed with this at all.

So, I am going to trudge along and stay on the course I am on hoping for a change in the way I look rather than the weight I would like to see disappear.

I just wan to stay healthy and strong. So this will just have to be the way it is for a while until I can visibly see a better change.

New Personal Progress Rules ~ Exciting

So, last night was New Beginnings for my daughters. I hurried home from work and found a very irritated daughter which is not unusual u=in our house at times. Anyway, Quelle was almost ready to go because she is the Laurel class president and had important things to do as well as going early. She is not to happy about her calling most of the time, but I think she tries the best she knows how.

It was themed as the Value Olympics. All the girls in the Miamaids and Laurels were in the "ceremony of flags". They each gave a brief talk on the color flag they were carrying and did a great job. Quelle was the torch bearer as well as the conductor of the program. She did a great job. All the participants did.

Then they all received a gold medal from the leaders and we were introduced to them as talented and special girls that they are.

During the talks the Laurel advisor told us we, as mother's, may now participate in the Personal Progress program and earn the medallion with our daughters. They can pass us off and we can pass them off now too. They gave each parent a book and journal so that we could participate with our girls.

I am excited for this as I never received my medallion 20 years ago. Unfortunately I made mistakes when I was younger and was not allowed to finish due to my indiscretions. It used to not matter to me that I never got it. Then as my girls started to do this program I felt saddened that they could not follow in my footsteps in that way, so this is exciting for me. I am so happy to know I may now join my daughters and get this medallion with them.

I hope they are going to be supportive of me and help me out as I try to help them as well. This is a great opportunity to grow closer to my daughters, Courtny and McQuelle. I hope they feel the same as I do and are excited that we may do this together.

Good luck to you girls I love you.

I Hit My Weight Loss Goal!

Well, almost a week ago my office did weigh in. I lost three more pounds, hitting my 10 pound goal! YAY ME! I can tell in the rear of my slacks and the top part in the front (above my legs). I feel great and am definately not starving. This has been good for me.

Here are some of the exercises I have been doing to slim down:

• Eliptical
• Core exercises (Love that thing)
• Stationary Bike
• Yoga
• Dance Mix Routines
• Stretches
• Walking

Some of the ways I have adjusted my eating habits are:

• Smaller portions
• No morning snack
• More Water
• Calorie Watching
• Small afternoon snack (between 2 and 4 usually)
• No evening snack (most of the time)
• Healthy Dinner
• Less Sugar

This has been amazing for me. I feel great and am super happy to continue this lifestyle change. I know I can keep it up!

The diet

Well, I am doing well so far. My work is doing a fitness routine. I am almost to my goal of 10 pounds. It has not been as difficult as you would think, the reason, there are eight of us in this office and we are doing it together. Everything is so much easier when you work together towards your goals.

I have lost eight pounds in the past three weeks. My doctor said he thinks its great as long as I stay healthy and happy there is no problem with losing a little bit of weight. I love that he agrees with me. He also said my abs are getting nice and tight already. YAY ME!

I also would like to point out that I have more energy and feel great. I am portioning my meals better and not having a morning snack has not been a problem at all. I am not hungary all the time, nor am I starving.

I am exercising and toning my muscles as well. It was very painful the first several days, but now its a breeze and I cant wait to work out at the end of the day.

My offic eput in an "exercise room". We have two bikes, an eliptical (my favorite), and a stretching machine. One of the ladies I work with and I brought our yoga mats and core balls too. We are having fun while we do this and I have to admit it is fun.

I hope I look great this summer....lol. Maybe I will meet a man because I look and feel better...j/k. It will be worth it though.

I am so glad I have people to do this with.

Christopher's Eagle Advancement

Christopher looked very dapper in his Scout uniform. (I am not biased at all) The ceremony was wonderful and the video presentation my friends, Don and Kerstin Sparks, put together for me was amazing.

There was family and friends and only a few available seats left. Such support from family and friends.

Christopher's Uncle Robie spoke about Scouting and the great young man Chris has become due in part the Scouting program. He gave a great history of Scouting and informed us that the Boy Scouts of America will be 100 next month. He spoke of how wonderful it is to be a part of the Eagle Nest throughout the world and welcomed Chris with open arms into the nest.

Next our neighbor, Gil English, was supposed to speak however he did not make it back from Georgia in time. So, Steven, Christopher's dad, spoke about how proud he was the day he was born and the special boy that he is. He told him how proud of him he is and that he is very glad to be a part of the Eagle Nest with him.

My friends video of Chris through life and Scouting was then played. The background music Chris chose for the video was "Don't Stop Beleivin'", by Journey and "Sweet Dreams", by The Eurythmics. It was very good and there were some good laughs as well. Thanks for the help Don and Kerstin you are amazing friends.

Then the award was presented by Bishop Williams. Chris gave me the Mother's pin and a Mother's scarf to represent my son's acheivement in Scouting. Then the Father's pin was given to his dad.

A council member came and gave him the Eagle Oath. That was done with great pride by Chris as he recited it back to the council member. He was presented with a special plaque with this recognition from the council as well.

Many of his friends, family friends, neighbors and family were able to attend. However, his Grandpa Kilpatrick was not able to attend, so when Chris presented the first Mentor pin he asked his Great Grandpa Kilpatrick to accept it in his Grandpa's honor. That was a very emotional moment for all of us. The second Mentor pin went to John Horan. He has been a very influential part of Christopher's life for the past seven years, as a Scout leader, Friend and Home Teacher to our family. John was honored to receive another honor from one of his boys.

After all the hubub was over the family came to our home had pizza and hung out for several hours. It is hard for us all to get together very often due to the size of our family and the distance between our homes. So this was a great time for all of us.

Chris, I want you to know how very proud of you I am. You are a wonderful son and so caring too. I really appreciate how much you do for me and your sisters. You mean the world to me and I am so very blessed to have you in my life.

Thanks to everyone who helped with his project. We understand the Humanitarian Center has used them in recent events in Haiti. How wonderful to know they are being used well at this time.

Christopher's Eagle Court of Honor

Christopher will be receiving his Eagle Advancement this week. I am so proud to be his mom. He has proven to be a very good kid. Next week I will post the exciting news of the event, who spoke, the advancement and all the other good details.

I am so proud of you Christopher! You are my favorite son, I could not ask for a better one!

Happy New Year!

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and New Year. The kids and I had a good time and spent some quality time together, it was great.

Quelle spent New Year's eve at a friends. Chris, Courtny and I had a nice time watching a movie and goofing off until 8:30 p.m. Then their dad wanted them to go see him at the neighbors (he is house sitting for his friend). So, I was alone as the New Year began no big deal, doesn't matter.

My brother called me at 11 p.m. to say Happy New Year. I just laughed and said it was only 11. His response was, not here ha ha, so don't call me in an hour because I will be in bed. Lance is funny.

Overall, it was a nice three day weekend enjoyed by all.

We hope you all have a wonderful and prosperous 2010.